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March 29, 2013

Comments

Andreas

Thank you for this translation, Justin. Here are a few thoughts and questions:

The "man" in "wir schaufeln ein Grab in den Lüften da liegt man nicht eng" is impersonal. Would it make sense to use "one" instead of "you"?

It sounds to me as if "der schreibt wenn es dunkelt nach Deutschland dein goldenes Haar Magarete" meant that he writes to Germany when it is getting dark, and as if "dein goldenes Haar Magarete" belonged to a different fugal voice.

In "...und es blitzen die Sterne" the action of the stars is hard and sharp. Could it be said in English that stars flash?

In "er greift nach dem Eisen im Gurt er schwingts" the iron is in his belt and I think he sways it.

What made you prefer "we drink and we drink" over "we drink and drink"? In "wir trinken und trinken" the omission of the second wir can be read as containing the disappearance of the ones who are drinking in their very action. Does the second "we" perform a different, perhaps rhythmical, function? Or would "we drink and drink" be difficult to understand?

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